The Journey to Confident Leadership

“I feel fragile Jen” I could almost picture her, every time she received feedback that suggested she wasn’t perfect she would be picking up the scattered pieces of her confidence.

This was when Sophie was overwhelmed and scared, scared that the cracks were going to show, scared that everything could crumble. 

She was no longer getting the feedback she desperately needed to allow her to feel confident that she could do her job - that she was safe in her job.

She had never planned her career path, she was always ambitious but really she felt like she was just lucky, and she wasn’t entirely sure she deserved to be in the role she was in.

This is how she described herself at work:

She said I’m constantly worrying about what people think of me, if they think I’m good enough.

I go into meetings worrying - I worry that I’m going to ask a question that they’ve already answered, or that I should already know. I’m worried that if I share my opinion it could come out wrong and I’ll sound incompetent. And so you know what I do? I write things down and follow it up with an email! I share my view by email, when I can write and rewrite it! Or I ask a question to one person instead of everyone!

Then when she came away from the meeting she would be analysing what she had said and what other people were saying or thinking about it.

She has two children 3 and 5, she adores them. She starts work super early, so she can do the school pick up, then after the kids are in bed, she does another 3-4 hours of work - sometimes working until 1am in the morning!

She was SO busy! So overwhelmed, so exhausted. - Her head was full.

Now here’s how I saw her…

Sophie is incredible! She is a warm compassionate person, with real emotional intelligence - she’s a people person, she really cares about her team.

She is extremely solution-focused, she thrives on finding solutions. She is also incredibly hard-working, you could argue a little too hard-working, but nonetheless, she has incredible grit and perseverance.

She has worked incredibly hard to get to where she is, always taking opportunities to learn and grow and develop.

From experience, I know that people like Sophie—the high-achievers who never think they’re good enough, that they’ll be found out, that their luck might just run out—I know they’re never content. They’re constantly setting the bar higher and higher, which is great for their employers, but awful for them. Why? Because they’re putting themselves through hell.

They have really high expectations of themselves, expectations that often they can’t meet - and so they are constantly feeling like they’re failing

Sophie would tell me, that one of the things that made her upset was that when she was with her kids she was thinking about work, about what she needed to do, about what she hadn’t done very well. Sometimes on a weekend if the kids were watching tele she would pick up her laptop to squeeze in some more work. She never switched off - and so she was never fully present with her family, she never allowed herself to enjoy being with them.

Her lack of confidence at work was impacting her in other areas of her life too!

Here’s what Sophie and I did. We changed her perspective and we worked hard on getting her to realise just what a star she was. I’m not saying I taught her to brag. But I coached her to appreciate the gifts she’s been given and to acknowledge all her hard work. I helped her to see herself with kindness and compassion, to strengthen her inner cheerleader voice.

Together, we came up with ways in which she could be her own greatest supporter. And the result was quite unbelievable. Her colleagues saw a huge transformation in her, her manager was really amazed at the difference.

She had been in a meeting with her where Sophie had been sharing her ideas and vision for a project and said to her afterwards that she was on fire! 

She started to go into meetings excited to share her ideas, or move projects on. She saved time on sending follow up emails and asked questions or made suggestions inside the meetings.

Her to-do list was finally getting smaller, she was finally clear on where her priorities were - she even looked different! AND she was spending quality time with her family ALL weekend.

She was surprised to say that life just felt easier, and she was happier - even more - her kids seemed happier!  She was no longer feeling fragile - instead, she felt like she had a strong foundation.

This strong foundation was confidence from within, Sophie finally believed in her self, she believed she deserved her success and she was finally confident to believe there was more success to come if she wanted it!

It’s not that easy to build confidence from within is it? That’s why people like me exist - I’m a women’s leadership coach, I offer 1:1 coaching to women in leadership to support them to see the value they bring, to help them to see, the impact they can have on the world, so that they can lead with confidence, authenticity and resilience.

If you are fed up of being overwhelmed, of constantly trying to prove yourself, and spending endless hours of worrying then let me take you on a journey - to finally seeing the value you bring, to finally being the best leader you can be, the most confident and effective leader you can be - so that you too can go into meetings excited, knowing that you will likely be on fire! I would love to invite you to book a call with me to talk about how I can support you.