I have asked myself this question sooo many times! What if people don’t like me? Previously my answer was something along the lines of, it will be confirmation that I’m not a likeable person. It will either be for the same reasons that I don’t like me, because I’m boring, I’m not funny or cool enough or because of something else bad about me that I don’t even know yet…
Seriously! I also used to cry myself to sleep at night when I was a teenager because I hated who I was - as a 36 year old woman I can look back and see that I had no idea who I was, I had soaked up the words, and actions of those who bullied me and made it my reality. They didn’t like me and so that was the reality - I wasn’t likeable.
As humans we seek out facts and information to confirm what we already know and that’s what I did. I started to be really aware of anything that would confirm that I wasn’t a nice / good / likeable person. I believed I was really good at reading people - all someone needed to do was look away too quickly and I just knew, here was yet another person who didn’t like me!
So much of this was created in my mind, I was writing the story AND I was finding the evidence, that was confirming my story.
Do you find yourself doing this? I still do it, now it’s different stories - because I can tell you now I like myself, I’m a really great person. I am kind, compassionate and caring, I have a huge heart, I am loyal, emotionally intelligent and I love deep 1:1 conversations and I will always see the best in people - if only I’d known this 20 years ago!
The thing is we’re not always right! Infact, often we’re way off the mark. That’s ok, if you’re aware of it, if you’re willing to open your eyes and acknowledge that there could be more to it, than the story, you have written, in your own mind.
Back to the original question, what if people don’t like me? Honestly the truth is, there will always be someone out there who doesn’t like you, it could be because you have something they don’t, or it could be that they don’t like to talk about what you like to talk about, it could be that you are acting in a way, that they don’t like in themselves and they’re projecting this on to you - it could be so many reasons. The most important thing is, it is way more a reflection on them than it is on you.
I’m not suggesting it’s easy, but the answer to what if people don’t like you is this, they might not and it’s not your problem, it’s your problem if you don’t like you.
Of course, if they are part of your family, or they’re a work colleague, or your partner's sister then this may be difficult. Though you are still in charge of the story you want to tell yourself. You can decide that the story for you is, person A doesn’t like me, which is perhaps because I show them something in themselves that they don’t like, though there’s nothing I can do about that, I can just keep showing up as me.
This story would be way more empowering than telling yourself, person A doesn’t like me, which is confirmation that I’m just not likeable, I’m too loud, or boring or any other negative thing you can tell yourself.
The thing is, you don’t know whether that person likes you, or even if you do know, because they’ve told you, it is only their opinion, and why does their opinion matter more than all of those people who do love you, for you? It doesn’t, does it!
What if people don’t like you? Some people won’t, move on and focus on those that do - they are worthy of your time and energy.
This is the most important question, to like yourself, you have to know yourself. I can now say all those positive things about myself because I’ve done the work, I’ve spent the time discovering who I am, whilst being self compassionate and of course brave to stand up and be me.
Together with my personal experience, my expertise as an accredited coach and my experience of coaching other women just like you, I can guide you through a journey of self discovery, so that you too can say you like yourself, and stop caring so much about other people liking you.
If you’re interested in working with me you can click here and book a chemistry call with me to find out a little more about if I can help you and if we’d be a good fit (the chemistry matters).