The importance of saying no, when you mean no.
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When I was at my lowest point…
…when I was experiencing the depths of my depression, I was exhausted, I had nothing left to give and yet people were still asking for more energy, more empathy, more effort, more, more, more.
I thought this was everyone else’s fault - they had exhausted me. It is only with hindsight that I can see the part I had to play too. People aren’t, after all, mindreaders, they can only know the boundaries we present to them.
I don’t think I even knew what boundaries were.
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What are personal boundaries?
Personal boundaries are flexible meeting places where your needs meet those of others. A flexible meeting place which allows you to go with the flow, and to acknowledge your current feelings and experiences.
Your boundaries are based on your values, thoughts, beliefs, and feelings. Your boundary sits between what you find...
How to motivate yourself when you're in a slump - 8 steps
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A few years ago…
… when I was in the midst of stress and overwhelm I would regularly find myself passing an hour playing a game on my phone, I told myself it was how I was de-stressing.
The truth though, was that I was unintentionally and absentmindedly wasting time - had I have intentionally chosen something to do to de-stress it could have been so much more productive.
But I didn’t, why? Because I was in a slump.
So what can you do when you’re in a slump, to avoid unintentionally wasting your precious time? I have written an 8 step process for you to below.
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Step 1 - Be kind to yourself.
If you’re in a slump, you’re in a slump. Don’t give yourself a hard time, this will only make you feel worse and isn’t helpful. Like when you lose something, it wouldn’t be helpful for someone to say to you, you always lose things,...
How to define, create and live a life you love.
Photo by Skyla Design on Unsplash edited.
When I was 16…
I planned my life (or my A-levels), and I was going to be an actress.
Fast forward almost 20 years (it only feels like 10!) and I’m not an actress (well unless you count the odd night doing murder mystery). I'm also no longer working as a nurse, I’m now a Life Coach.
Other than these decisions regarding my career, I didn’t actively plan any other area of my life. And so when I realised I no longer wanted to be a nurse, I also realised that I wasn’t in love with my life either!
There is so much more to living our best lives than our careers, and today I’m going to share with you what it takes, how you can define, create and therefore live a life you love :-)
What matters most?
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What matters most to you? This is the foundation. You might think you know, but have you ever sat down and thought about it?
...
5 things Disney’s Frozen films can teach us about mental health? (Spoiler alert)
As an adult…
I didn’t think I enjoyed disney films - I’m an adult, they are children’s films. It’s weird right, as an adult? Actually, I don’t think this anymore, I now embrace watching them. And realising just how powerful fairy tales can be at helping us to understand what is happening inside of us, yes for children, but for adults too!
Photo by Osman Rana on Unsplash
Frozen
“Let it go, Let it go”
Elsa’s power in creating snow and ice was directly linked to her emotions, heightened emotions, especially fear, anger or sadness would lead to uncontrolled and potentially dangerous creation of ice or snow and in the beginning she is taught to control her emotions.
Yet as she grows older, she becomes less able to control her emotions and is eventually able to say Let it go, meaning allowing her emotions and her power to be free. Finally she is able to embrace her true self, her...
How To Be More Resilient
A senior work colleague…
… once told me that I didn’t have the resilience I needed to move up in my career! Can you imagine! I was fuming. How dare she?
Three months later I was off sick from work for 5 weeks - go figure!
Was she right?
Yup! Now I can look back with the benefit of hindsight, I didn’t have the resilience I needed for the job I was doing, never mind progressing with my career! As it turns out, the best thing for me wasn’t to progress in my nursing career, it was to change direction and become a qualified life coach. But that hasn’t stopped me using that experience to learn and grow. I made it my mission to become more resilient and now I’m going to share how you too can be more resilient.
What is resilience?
Resilience is your body or minds’ effectiveness at recovering from a stressful situation. For example, if something stressful happens in the morning how quickly are you able to recover and go about your...
How To Identify and Get Rid of Limiting Beliefs
I’m boring!
Seriously, you wouldn’t want to get “stuck” talking to me at a party.
That’s what I used to say, think and believe about myself. If you asked me for the proof, I had it - in bucket loads!
Is this a limiting belief?
Absolutely! If I thought this, can you imagine how I used to act? You know we behave in a way that proves our beliefs, it’s the way us humans are wired. Not helpful though is it?
If you are guessing that I would act boring you got it, not on purpose of course, but I would be talking to someone and looking out for the signs that they thought I was boring, a look in the opposite direction here, a hint of a sigh there… and of course as soon as I saw a sign, I would trail off what I was saying, never really sharing my thoughts, views or opinions! I was boring.
What is a limiting belief?
Firstly a belief (according to the Collins Dictionary) is
“a feeling of certainty that something exists, is true,...
How to Live Your Best Life
First of all, I think it is really important to clarify what living your best life is not…
It isn’t living the highlight reel that you see on social media
It isn’t being happy every moment of every day.
It isn’t having everything perfect in your life without wishing for more.
I am all about living your best life, but I am about living your unique version of living your best life.
Below are my top 4 steps to get you started…
#1 Don’t be afraid to say no…
Do you always feel you should say yes to others? You need to stop – for yourself. For you to live your best life, you need to be in control of your time and spend it how you want to spend it. This doesn’t mean being selfish,...
You do have choices...
Do you know that you are in control of your life?
I know sometimes it feels like you’re not, maybe you are waiting for the next career opportunity or your next holiday, but you don’t have to wait for what life delivers to you. You can take the reigns of your own life and make things happen.
Each and every day you are faced with so many choices, some of these we do on auto-pilot for example the order you wash different areas of your body in the shower (1st I wash my hair, condition my hair, wash my face, wash my body, rinse my hair).
Automation is there to help us, if we had to consciously make every decision throughout the day it would become tiring! Equally if we rely on our automatic choices we may start to forget that we even have choices at all.
Other choices we have are, should I take the bus to work or drive? If you own a car, the chances are you have set about driving to work and haven’t even considered getting the bus – without realising you have...
How can I find myself?
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Finding yourself is possible, for every one of you reading this blog, you can find yourself, you can have happiness, fulfilment and satisfaction and you can learn how to easily make the right decisions in your life.
But how? Through time and dedication.
In your journey to where you are now, you have been learning who you are, each time you recognise something in yourself, you will wear it – like a coat. Often when we realise something else about ourselves, instead of taking off our coat and changing it, we add a new coat on top of the old one. The next time we learn something new we add a new coat (without removing the first one or two) and this goes on and on. Eventually – you reach where you are now, with too many coats, some of which are a bad fit, some are mis-shaped, some have been worn down and some still fit perfectly. It’s hard to tell which is which, though, when you are wearing them all.
Of...
Why is it important to be true to yourself?
Being true to yourself is the surest way to finding true fulfilment. If the way you live your life is in line with your core values then you will feel inner calm.
If you are true to yourself then the right kind of people will be drawn to you – the ones who truly like you for you and in return are people you are more likely to find a connection with. An honest and authentic connection.
The question is, how do you find out who you really are? How do you find your way again, below the layers of a person you have built up?
The answer is easy – to spend time with yourself and your thoughts. To notice how different things in your life make you feel. When you feel happy, take a moment to reflect on why you feel happy, happiness is possible when our actions are aligned with our inner values and beliefs and so this is an ideal time to start to explore these.
Perhaps a harder task is to also allow yourself time to reflect on moments when you are...
